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The Black Watch

 

Douglas: Look whit the wee cat’s drug in.

Alistair (sitting in chair): Aye, quite the set o’ scallywags ye hae there, Douglas.

Douglas: Welcome to the hame o’ the Black Watch.

(Douglas tells Alistair about how he found the lads)

Joe: Yeah, I thought I was the one who had scared them off.

Birhtwold: About that, Joe. Next time you claim you’re a Texan, you might want to lose the Canadian accent.

Joe: Um, yeah.

Kells: And throw in a "varmint" or two and "this town ain’t big enough for the two of us."

Douglas: What brings ye lads tae Gehenna anyway?

Joe: We’re looking for Wallace of Perth. We have something for him from Stuart.

(Silence, bowed heads)

Joe: Uh, everything alright?

Douglas: Wallace took the low road. He’ll be in Scootland afore us.

Alistair: Aye, he and his true love’ll never meet again.

Joe: What?

Kells: Wallace isn’t among the living anymore. (Turns to Douglas).

Birhtwold: I need to sit down.

Skald:

"O ye'll tak' the high road and I'll tak the low road,
An' I'll be in Scotland afore ye;
But me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o' Loch Lomon'."

Alistair: That’s the one.

Kells: We didn’t know. What happened?

Douglas: Ambush. Wallace never saw it coming.

Joe: What happened then?

Douglas (smiles a grim smile): No one attacks us with impunity.

(Brief silence)

Kells: Well, Stuart did say that if we couldn’t find him, we could pass it along to any Scotsman we found.

(Kells opens box)

Alistair: A case o Irn Bru!

Douglas: And crisps! I claim the Gammon and Pineapple ones!

Alistair: And a stuffed wee Nessie! Put ‘er on the shelf there looking at the door.

(The squaddies dig into the box)

Douglas: Well, thanks for all that!

Joe: Don’t thank us. It was from Stuart.

Douglas: Aye. I’ll hae tae write ‘im a wee note. Let ‘im ken that I’m in ‘is debt.

Kells: I don’t think he’d see it that way. It’s a shame about Wallace. The news of his passing will devastate Stuart and his gang.

Douglas: We sorely miss ‘im. There was nane better. And wi’ things gaun the way they’re gaun, a hit like that one, takes it oot o’ you. We cad use such encouragement as Stuart gae oos.

Birhtwold: "Purpose shall be the firmer, heart the keener, courage shall be the more, as our might lessens."

Alistair: Aye, nice that. I’ll hae to remember that bit.

Douglas: Fits nicely, wi’ oos being downsized from regiment tae battalion. Where’d it come fram?

Birhtwold: I don’t know. Skald’s the one that usually comes up with this stuff.

Douglas: Well, who’s for some crisps and Irn Bru?

(Everyone grabs a can and a bag)

Douglas (holding up his can): Tae Wallace!

Everyone: Tae Wallace!



Notes:
1.  Skald's quote taken from "Loch Lomond"
2.  Birhtwold's quote taken from "The Battle of Maldon"

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